A bedtime routine that actually works, according to sleep research

If evenings in your house feel like a slow-motion negotiation, you are not alone. The good news is that one of the most effective tools for young children's sleep is also one of the simplest. A predictable, short bedtime routine done most nights.

In a 2009 study, sleep psychologist Jodi Mindell and colleagues asked families with infants and toddlers to follow a simple three-step routine every night for three weeks. Compared with a control group, the children fell asleep faster, woke less during the night, and had longer stretches of sleep. Their mothers reported better mood too. A larger 2015 study across 14 countries found a "dose-dependent" effect: the more nights per week families did a routine, the better children tended to sleep.

What to include

A good routine is about 20 to 30 minutes long and happens in the same order every night. Mindell and Williamson's 2018 review describes four useful categories of activity, which some clinicians remember as nutrition, hygiene, communication, and physical contact.

A small snack or drink, if needed. Something light, early in the routine.

Hygiene. Bath (not necessarily every night), pajamas, teeth, toilet.

Connection. Reading, telling a story, singing, or talking about the day. This is the part most kids love, and it's linked to language development as well as sleep.

Physical closeness. A cuddle, a back rub, a goodnight ritual you repeat every time.

Then lights out, with your child falling asleep in the place they'll wake up.

Making it stick

Keep the order the same. Predictability is the point. Toddlers in particular find comfort in knowing what comes next.

Use a picture chart for little ones. A simple chart with drawings for each step lets a three-year-old feel in charge of their own routine. It also cuts down on stalling ("What's next on your chart?").

Screens off before you start. The AAP recommends no screens in the hour before bed where possible.

Offer limited choices. "Dinosaur pajamas or striped?" "Two books or one long one?" A little control goes a long way at the end of the day.

Plan for the curtain calls. One more drink, one more hug, one more question. Some families use a "bedtime pass" the child can use once for a single extra request.

How much sleep is enough?

The American Academy of Sleep Medicine's 2016 consensus recommends 11 to 14 hours a day (including naps) for toddlers aged one to two, 10 to 13 hours for preschoolers aged three to five, and 9 to 12 hours for children aged six to twelve.

Stories as part of the routine

Reading aloud is one of the easiest ways to build in the connection step. If you want stories that feature your own child, SlumberTales makes personalized bedtime stories you can read together. They work well as the last step before lights out.

If bedtime battles are part of a bigger pattern of tantrums or defiance, our guides to toddler tantrums and discipline without fear may help. And if your child is often lying awake worried, see when your child is anxious.

Frequently asked questions

What time should my toddler go to bed?

Whatever time lets them get enough sleep before you have to wake them. For lots of toddlers and preschoolers that lands somewhere around 7 to 8 p.m., but work backward from your morning.

How long until a new routine starts working?

Give it a couple of weeks. In Mindell's study, families saw changes within the three weeks they tracked. The first few nights are usually the bumpiest.

What if my child keeps getting out of bed?

Walk them back calmly, with as little talk as you can manage, every single time. Boring is the goal. A bedtime pass for one extra request can help too.