Family meals: why eating together matters more than what's on the plate

Eating together a few times a week is one of the simplest things a family can do, and the research behind it is fairly encouraging. Kids who share regular meals with their families tend to eat more fruit and vegetables and are less likely to have disordered eating. Just as important, the table gives you a predictable, daily spot to hear about your kid's life. It doesn't need to be dinner, it doesn't need to be homemade, and it definitely doesn't need to be perfect.

What does the research say about family meals?

A 2011 review in Pediatrics by Amber Hammons and Barbara Fiese pooled data from 17 studies covering more than 180,000 kids. Children and teens who ate three or more family meals a week were more likely to be at a healthy weight and to eat healthy foods, and less likely to have disordered eating, than those who ate together less often.

Now, a caveat. Families who eat together may differ in other ways too, like work schedules or income, and studies like these can't fully untangle that. Still, the pattern shows up again and again, and the cost of trying is a plate and a chair.

Does it have to be dinner?

Nope. If evenings are swallowed by practices and late shifts, breakfast counts. So does Saturday lunch, or a bowl of cereal at 9 p.m. with your teenager. What seems to matter is the together part. The Family Dinner Project, a nonprofit that grew out of Harvard's education school, says pretty much the same thing.

What should we actually talk about?

Whatever's light. Kids clam up when dinner turns into a debrief on grades or a referendum on broccoli. Try questions with a little play in them: what was the weirdest thing that happened today? If you could swap lives with anyone at school for a day, who? Tell a story about your own day, including the part where you messed up. Kids talk more when you go first.

Some families do "rose, thorn, bud": one good thing, one hard thing, one thing you're looking forward to. Corny? Maybe. Little kids love it anyway.

What about picky eaters at the table?

Keep the pressure off. Serve at least one thing your child usually eats, put new foods on the table without demanding a bite, and let kids serve themselves when they're able. Bribes ("two more bites and you get dessert") tend to make the vegetable seem like a chore. Our picky eating guide goes into more detail.

How do we make it happen on a busy week?

Lower the bar. Rotisserie chicken and bagged salad on paper plates is a family meal. Pick a realistic number, maybe three nights, and write them on the calendar like any other appointment. Put phones in a basket by the door, adults included. Give kids a job, even a small one, like setting forks or stirring. They're more invested in a meal they helped make.

And if a meal falls apart because somebody's crying or a sibling spills milk on the dog? That's still a family meal. You'll try again tomorrow.

Frequently asked questions

How many family meals a week are enough?

Research often compares families who eat together three or more times a week with those who don't. Start with whatever you can keep up, even one or two, and build from there.

Should the TV be on during meals?

It's better off. Screens pull attention away from each other and from noticing when you're full. Music in the background is fine.

My teen won't come to the table. What now?

Ask what would make it more appealing, let them pick the menu one night a week, and keep the conversation light. Pressure usually backfires with teens.