Talking to kids about scary news: shootings, disasters, war and more

Short version: they've probably heard already, so go first. Ask what they know, tell the truth at their level, kill the nonstop replay, and remind them who's looking out for them.

Kids pick this stuff up everywhere (a lockdown drill, a group chat, a headline glowing on a stranger's phone at the bus stop). You won't have every answer. That's fine. What they need is a calm grown-up to bring it to.

Should I bring it up, or wait for my kid to ask?

With big news, assume they've caught wind of it. Kids patch holes with imagination, and what they dream up is usually scarier than what happened. Try something low-key: "Some kids at school might be talking about what happened. What have you heard?" Then zip it and listen. The thing bugging them may surprise you.

Now, a four-year-old who truly hasn't heard doesn't need a briefing on every tragedy. Keep the TV off and the grown-up talk out of earshot.

How much should I tell them?

Honest, but sized to the kid. Little ones may need a sentence or two: "Something sad happened far away, and some people got hurt. Lots of helpers are taking care of them." A nine-year-old will want facts and fire off direct questions. Teens can take more and often want to argue about causes, fairness, and what anyone's doing about it.

Skip promises you can't keep ("That'll never happen here"). "That's really rare, and lots of grown-ups work hard to keep you safe" is true and still comforting.

Does watching the news make it worse?

It can, for adults too. After the 2013 Boston Marathon bombings, Alison Holman, Dana Rose Garfin and Roxane Cohen Silver surveyed more than 4,600 adults and found that six or more hours a day of bombing-related media was linked to more acute stress than having actually been at or near the blasts. That study was in adults, but it's a decent reason to be careful with kids. Turn off the 24-hour coverage. Watch with older kids, and talk about what you see. Check what's showing up in their feeds and group chats.

How do I help my child feel safe?

Keep routines going. Point out the helpers, like firefighters, doctors and neighbors bringing food. Give kids something to do if they want, like writing a card or donating to a relief group. And take care of yourself; kids read our faces closely, so try to process your own fear with another adult.

When should I worry?

Some fear, questions and clinginess are normal for a while. If your child has nightmares, can't sleep, won't go to school, or seems stuck on the event for weeks, talk to your pediatrician or a counselor. Our guide to anxiety in kids can help. If your teen talks about hopelessness or self-harm, call or text 988 any time.

Frequently asked questions

What if my child asks a question I can't answer?

It's okay to say "I don't know" or "Let me think about that and get back to you." Then do.

Should I let my teen follow the news?

Teens deserve to be informed. Help them choose reliable sources, take breaks, and avoid graphic videos that autoplay on social media.

How do I talk about a school shooting?

Focus on safety: what their school does to keep kids safe and who they can go to. Keep it brief with younger kids. Older kids may want to talk more.