Mental health warning signs in teens, and how to ask about suicide

If you're worried about your child's safety right now, call or text 988, or chat at 988lifeline.org. It's free, confidential and open 24 hours a day. If someone is in immediate danger, call 911.

Teenagers are moody. Slammed doors, long silences, a sudden hatred of the family's taste in music. Most of that is a normal part of growing up. So how do you know when it's something more?

That's the question underneath this article. You don't need to be a clinician. You need to notice changes, ask plainly, and know where to go for help.

Why this matters now

In the CDC's 2023 Youth Risk Behavior Survey, nearly 40% of high school students said they'd felt so sad or hopeless for two weeks or more that they stopped doing some usual activities. Girls and LGBQ+ students reported this at much higher rates.

The same report had hopeful findings too. Every protective factor the CDC looked at was linked to lower rates of at least one mental health or suicide risk indicator. Those factors included getting eight or more hours of sleep, being physically active, feeling connected at school, having an adult at home who reliably looked after their basic needs, and parents generally knowing where their teen was and who they were with. Those are things families can actually work on.

Normal ups and downs vs. warning signs

A bad week after a breakup or a lost game is normal. What the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention asks people to watch for is a change in behavior, or new behaviors, especially after a painful event, loss or change.

Things they might say:

• Feeling hopeless, or having no reason to live
• Feeling like a burden to others
• Feeling trapped, or being in unbearable pain
• Talking about wanting to die or to kill themselves

Things they might do:

• Pulling away from friends, family or activities
• Sleeping much more or much less
• Using more alcohol or drugs
• Giving away things that matter to them
• Saying goodbye to people in ways that feel final
• Searching online for ways to end their life

Moods to notice include depression, anxiety, irritability, loss of interest, shame, and anger. AFSP also lists sudden relief or improvement, which can be confusing for parents. Trust your gut if something feels off.

How to ask, directly

Many parents fear that bringing up suicide will put the idea in a kid's head. It won't. NIMH and a research review in Psychological Medicine both say asking about suicide doesn't increase suicidal thoughts. Asking directly gives your teen permission to tell the truth, and it shows you can handle the answer.

Pick a private, calm moment. Then be plain:

"I've noticed you've seemed really down lately, and I love you, so I'm going to ask straight out. Are you thinking about suicide?"

Use the actual word. Vague questions get vague answers.

Then listen. Don't argue them out of their feelings, and don't rush to fix it. "Thank you for telling me" and "I'm here, and we'll get through this together" are enough for now. If they say yes, stay with them and get help.

Getting help

For a crisis, or if you're not sure: Call or text 988, or chat at 988lifeline.org. SAMHSA, which oversees the line, describes it as a way to reach trained counselors any time, day or night. Parents can call for guidance, too. You don't have to wait until your child is in danger.

For ongoing support: Start with your child's pediatrician or family doctor. They can check for physical causes and refer you to a therapist or psychiatrist. Ask the school counselor what's available.

Make home safer. AFSP lists access to lethal means, including firearms and drugs, as a risk factor, and limited access as a protective one. When a teen is struggling, it's wise to lock up or remove firearms, medications and alcohol. This is one of the most practical steps a parent can take.

Staying close through it

A teen who's struggling may push you away. Keep showing up anyway. Sit on the edge of the bed. Drive them places. Watch their show with them. You don't always need to talk about the hard stuff. Being reliably there is the point.

And take care of yourself. Watching your child suffer is exhausting. Mental Health Love, our sister site, has plain-language support for parents carrying stress and worry. Our pieces on anxious kids and staying close to a teenager go deeper on the everyday side.

Frequently asked questions

Will asking about suicide make my teen think about it?

No. Research and NIMH say asking directly does not increase suicidal thoughts, and it can open the door to help.

What's the difference between normal moodiness and depression?

Moodiness comes and goes. Depression lasts at least two weeks and affects sleep, appetite, school or friendships. When in doubt, check with a doctor.

What should I do if my teen says they're thinking about suicide?

Stay calm, thank them for telling you, stay with them, and get help right away by calling or texting 988. Call 911 if they're in immediate danger.